Sunday, March 16, 2008

ok goal achieved.

i know this is so blown over already giving the fact that it's already sunday and i got my results on tuesday. almost everyone who reads probably already knows what i got for my STPM, but for blogs sake... i will tell you again.

I GOT A CGPA of 4.00!
[jumps and clicks heels]
all As!
[dances around the room]
...even chem!
[calls everyone i know to tell them the wonderful wonderful news]

and that's how i should have reacted. in ecstasy. but for some odd reason, i'm not as psyched as i thought i would be. no where close. man, i was happier when i imagined it... not that i expected to get it at all, i think i had more confidence in getting 11A1s for SPM(which i did not). just regular day-dreaming. why am i not happy to death?? i wish i was. i should be. sigh. this situation is so sad la. i mean, i'm happy i got it lar... not that i don't appreciate it. i just wish i was happier. people seem to be happier for me than i am for myself. how can like that? then when people congratulate me i have to pretend i'm super duper ecstatic about it also cos then otherwise they'd think i wholly expected it anyway and thought it was no big deal. emotionally stunted la i.
i think it's cos it was way too long since the whole fiasco. wasn't especially nervous or anxious when i found out the results were coming out. and i actually heard about it from friends before i got there. when i did get there, the teachers started telling me before i tore open that results paper. no suspense, no tension build up. so mana ada surprise adrenaline rush?

din even celebrate lor. cos i was working this week... go teach kids at this buddhist day care place. where they are all very buddhist... i say that because
  1. the kids greet elders with 'amitabha' in unison a la classroom 'good morning's.
  2. they pray before they eat.
  3. the kids have a meditation session where everybody sits in lotus position in front of the praying altar with those prayer music going on in the background. ( it's bloody amazing cos they actually manage to get hyper kids to sit down and not talk/move for 10 mins.)
  4. they sing and dance to buddhist songs praising buddha and other spiritually enlightening stuff.
  5. they eat vegetarian.
  6. there's a picture of buddha framed upon a wall that's taller than me.
  7. they colour in pictures of buddha and the whole siddharta journey.
it's almost like the buddhist version of sunday school, ya know?
very impressive. teaching is frustrating... shall never become a full-time teacher. might possibly die a few years earlier if i do.

anyhow, i've decided on pharmacy edi la. throw away vetsc. animals too unpredictable, xinli too fragile and passive. mom asked if i'm still applying for it at all, and i said no. cos what if i really do get it? then i'll be facing the whole dilemma all over again. blah. so now i've decided what course i wanna do, i need to think about where i wanna go... dielah.

don't think i wanna stay in a malaysian public uni for the whole 4 years leh. really don't. but if you had asked me what i wanted to do in form5, i would have told you i would rather do anything than form6. and look where i ended up? lol.

oklah... can scratch one more thing off my 'to do' list d.
next, build a time machine. easy.

ps. flies are dropping dead all over the house cos the foggers just fogged the area and they all decided to come and die here. freakin irritating.


No comments: