Saturday, March 20, 2010

nine, nipples and seekor kutu di alam takjub

 

i happened to run into yokepoh at the gsc ticketing counter this evening… (no longer ‘this’. haha)

me: heyyy so what are you planning to watch?
yp: oh, alice in the wonderland
me: oooh… i saw it last week. wahaha
yp: cis. before this my friend was asking me whether i wanted to see ‘seekor kutu di alam takjub’.
me: there’s such a show? [gawk] [whips head around and squints at the posters] *mutters* what kind of name is that?
yp: err you know… a lice in wonderland?
me: ooooowhhhhh. [dies a little inside]

in all seriousness though, … LOL.

heh, so today is movie-review day also known as i-shall-now-count-the-ways-these-movies-awww-and-annoy-me day, because well i haven’t done one of these in a while and come on now, you and i both know you miss the blogging me, right?

right?

[cranes neck to peer over the rippled waters]

[reels the line in a tad]

*crickets*

okay, FINE. BE THAT WAY.
[yanks rod back]

hmph. i’ll blog tomorrow.

 

HELLO!
i is maitee hapi nowz.

going to see the balloons at putrajaya tomorrow (aka in a couple of hours)!!! :D
…and hopefully ride in one :D:D:D

 

so…

ALICE,image

after much anticipation – right from back in 2008! (i googled ‘alice in the wonderland’ in my blog to look for my previous anticipatory post and found so many. lol. can’t believe i talked about it so much. here, here and here), i went to watch it last sunday! in 3D!!!

and what can i say? it was most incredibly… mediocre.

i went into it expecting it to be a remake of AITW but it turned out to be a continuation of the story instead. (er warning: spoilers ahead?) which isn’t all bad, i mean, i can take a sequel.

came out of it, thinking it was pretty good… but in retrospect, it didn’t really live up to my expectations at all. i don’t know, maybe i expected too much. the cheshire cat, johnny depp and helena carter were awesome as per usual. the characters were contorted, and the hatter’s not at all as mad as he should be (though far more likeable than the annoyance that he was in 1951) i also didn’t like:

the white queen – never was a fan of anne hathaway 
the jabberwocky – eww… may be biased though because i have preconceptions. been imagining it in a different light since i was a kid. totally spoiled the poem for me… you can’t do this! i shall erase this image from my memory.
the bandersnatch – too kind!
the dormouse – he gets on my nerves
the lack of rose-painting by the knaves
the fact that it wasn’t Wonderland at all!!! what’s this underland nonsense?

i did however like the heads in the moat and the whole red queen theory.

as biased as i am on tim burton films, this one was not so great. i’d choose Sweeny Todd over this any day. remember Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Maybe burton should stay away from children’s classics.
i was sitting next to a bunch of kids in the cinema and i couldn’t help but wonder…

what if they never did see the original Alice in the Wonderland?

what if their entire idea of AITW was this?
that’s horrible! it isn’t at all AITW, and they should’ve put a PG13 on it. kids these days are different, i accept that… (heck their cartoons are so much more complex than ours were, remember when we used to laugh at tom and jerry? ben10 and spongebob are nothing like that.) but honestly it is entirely dreadful that one should miss out on the imaginary splendour and, for lack of a better word, wonder of Wonderland. it hurts to think that this AITW could be all they think of AITW. what of the singing pansies, the sweeperdog, the dodo and the doorknob? it saddens me.

that being said, i much much with all the muchness in the world prefer the original.

image 

if you haven’t seen it, download. i insist.

 

okay… now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s discuss

NINE

image

shall we?

so we were planning a steamboat this thursday after tests and russian. and i was all for the steamboat because well, it’s nice to sit down and boil a couple of things to unwind. but NOOOOO, qliang wanted to watch a mooovie. so i hopped online and picked the best one at a suitable time. and this was actually the first time i’ve ever heard of nine. wiki-ed it and found out about the cast:

Daniel Day-Lewis as Guido Contini
Marion Cotillard as Luisa Contini
Penélope Cruz as Carla Albanese
Judi Dench as Lilli La Fleur
Nicole Kidman as Claudia Jenssen
Kate Hudson as Stephanie
Fergie as Saraghina
Sophia Loren as Mamma Contini
Andy Pessoa as Italian boy

(saraghina was really fergie! i knew it!!! she was so fat in the movie, i couldn’t recognise her. fergie is still very much i-gotta-feeling hot in my head)

now that is pretty impressive, no? plus its a musical, god knows how much i love musicals (NOT high school please, [retches]) i even youtube-ed the trailer to watch and it looked really promising! like all moulin-rouge-esque, sexy, exciting and grand!

so we picked this movie… well actually i did. of the 4 who were planning to watch, only me n plh knew what movie it was. funwee n kky were gonna watch alice but it was kinda sold out so they joined us (rather unwittingly). so there we were, the 6 of us, watching this movie i picked. (yes, all this rambling is neccessary)

verdict?

ZADOU.

that word pretty much sums it up alright.

95% of the trailer was played out in the first 10 minutes of the show. the whole show chronicles how contini (the director dude) exercises his infidelity with multiple very attractive women (no i do not mean sex scenes. well i suppose there are but we watched this in a malaysian cinema, remember?) and how his wife leaves him in the end.

we couldn’t help laughing out loud at the sheer ridicule, especially the ending. all that grandeur and action from the trailer? entirely figments of contini’s imagination. nothing exceptionally interesting happens in real life. he talks to a vision of his dead mother (sophia loren babehh! SOPHIA LOREN!! she certainly aged horribly) and wonders through life with his philandering ways.

costumes? awesome. loved claudia’s!
singing? awesome.
dance numbers? awesome. penelope cruz does risque cabaret! fergie plays a tambourine! lol

plot? 0

zadouness factor? 10 out of 10

i think maybe a lot of the zadouness came as after effects from watching the russian balet – romeo and juliet earlier in the day. it was sooo damn abstract lah. i came expecting something like this

image

and was given the complete opposite. omg it was soooo wtf. i need to google it for you now.

i can’t find ittttt~ must’ve been too ghastly, nobody bothered to take pictures of it. o.0
okay nevermind, i’ll tell you. i’m no ballet expert, but this was pretty unconventional. movements were all angular and stuff instead of the usual grace and they didn’t wear ballet shoes.

the way they acted it out was damn weird lah especially when romeo found juliet ‘dead’, he kept flinging her dead body around and when juliet found romeo dead, she lugged him from the bed onto a chair and flung herself on him (sideways) repeatedly. repeatedly because everytime she did, she rolled off him onto the floor. what the hell is that about?

okay nevermind… so juliet didn’t wear a dress throughout. she wore a silk corset-ish thing with silk boxers and leggings that were cropped at the thigh and ended midway at the calf. she wore that to the ball, she wore that to their secret rendezvous, and she wore that to get married secretly. omg those leggings were horrible. horrible i tell you!

oh and i forgot to mention, her silk corset-ish thing had protruding nipples. fake ones. kinda like madonna’s cones but not really because it was just the nipples. yeah. she got married wearing lingerie with fake nipples.

i’m more of a classics girl, i guess.

 

- balloons baby -

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